too bad you live with your parents still
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
