after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
