The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
