So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
