I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
