3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
