Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
