he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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