Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
