Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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