she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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