Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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