just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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