youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
