I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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