I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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