I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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