The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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