Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
