dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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