the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize