Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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