Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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