I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
