how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Randomize
