Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just google imaged poop.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
