Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Less talking, more tequila
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
