You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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