i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
