my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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