Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
