I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
