Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
