i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
