I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
porn star boner night. come get it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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