I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
