he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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