D3 body, D1 cock
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
