he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
