mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
