you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
