Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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