Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
