dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize