Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't deserve a penis
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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