Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
