Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
