is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
