if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize