we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
oh god was she eating orange peels again
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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