Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
