i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
