If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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