I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
