just tell him i said nine months
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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