I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
