So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
