It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
