So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
