in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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