So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
