Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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