and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
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