If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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