Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
