I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize