The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
